As I waited for the doctor to come in I can honestly say I was nervous (now I know why).
I have lost ten pounds since getting pregnant and because I am in my second trimester and am supposed to be gaining at least a pound per week I thought the doctor might mention that and try and give me advice as to what to eat that I may be able to keep down. I suppose, though she never actually came out and said it, I believe my weight loss is the reason the doctor I had yesterday was so rude when she asked if there were any problems. All I said was "Well I am still experiencing morning sickness" (aka all day sickness.) She abruptly looked at me and said "Well, were you not on anything for it?" I said I had been but it hadn't been working that well and made me super tired, I then said last week was the first time I was able to not get sick for four days but then it all came back on the weekend. Rolling her eyes (ok, maybe not, but it sure felt like it) she clicked on her computer and said "Target right?" I had no idea what she was talking about, I just assumed she was asking about my workplace. I just said "yes". Thank God I work at Target and get my prescriptions filled there because I know she would have had something smart to say if I had to correct her and be like "Oh no I get my prescriptions from Walmart." Because she then said, "Well, I just prescribed another prescription, it shouldn't make you AS tired". The way she said this and the way I had been treated within the first minute of meeting this ummm "sweet doctor" I felt I needed to explain myself and briefly stated that I work in a warehouse and can not go there being exhausted, it's not safe with the physicality I endure......Well she ignored me...... (No surprise there.)
I was not going to take my medicine until I could take it today not knowing how I would react to it, because I have off work, however after only taking two bites of lunch and a sip of drink yesterday, I immediately knew it was not going to stay down. My hubby said "You have to take your medicine." So I did. However I really regret doing that! Though it is "suppose" to be making me not as tired as the previous medicine, I have NO IDEA how I am going to still be able to take it and go to work. I felt like a zombie yesterday, I couldn't see straight and the side effects which are "drowsiness and dizziness" were in super crazy affect! (Yeah that's great to have those side effects when I'm walking back and forth constantly all night and lifting thirty pounds every couple minuets for ten hours). Adding to my stress of the day, I got sick before going to work and then at work, however I had to ignore it and keep working, my routine as of late.
Who knows what will happen... I know plenty of ladies that have friends who lost weight their entire pregnancy and they still had healthy baby's. So, I am very hopeful and know God knows what He is doing and this is just how my body is reacting to the hormones of pregnancy. Last night, I had a co-worker ask me if I was loosing weight (what an odd feeling it is to be asked that question when you are almost four months pregnant!), I begrudgingly said I was and she said "I can tell! Oh hun you're fine, that baby is still eating!" And then followed that with rubbing my little bump, that I can still kinda hide LOL.
I have a lot of appointments scheduled for the next couple weeks, its all going so fast! I cant believe I am four weeks away from being half way through my pregnancy and from finding out if we are having a boy or girl!
Our first appointment is in two weeks, it is an elective blood test that will show any signs of possible down syndrome. If the blood test comes out with a high level reading (which is still not saying 100% that there would be any chances of syndrome, just assessing a possibility) they will then want to do an Amniocentesis, which when my husband asked the doctor for more information on, we got attitude in her explanation of how they put a needle through the stomach of the mother and into the baby's fluid and draw some fluid from around the baby and then test that. Once I asked if we really have to do that, asking "Isn't there a risk for miscarriage?" she responded very curtly, saying "WELL if the levels show HIGH on the blood test....It is the ONLY way you will ever be able to know If there is ANYTHING wrong, Its the ONLY way to know if there is a PROBLEM!" (The capitalization is showing her emphasis on the words she practically screamed, all saying this with a malice smile, condescending look and tone.) She went on to say there is only a one in three hundred chance of miscarriage. I don't know if my expression was a window to my screaming thoughts that said.... (HELLO! WE WOULD FIND OUT IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG ONCE I DELIVER. FINDING OUT BEFORE THROUGH AN INVASIVE WAY DOES NOT MEAN IF IT IS A POSITIVE RESULT FOR ANY DISABILITIES WE ARE NOT GOING TO KEEP OUR BABY! LET ALONE ALLOW A PROCEDURE TO GIVE ME A PERCENTAGE OF EVEN ONE IN A BILLION, THAT MY BABY COULD DIE JUST TO FIND OUT!!!! IF GOD WANTS US TO HAVE A CHILD WITH DISABILITIES, THAT IS NOT OUR FOCUS, WE ARE FULLY GRATEFUL NO MATTER WHAT! WE HAVE OUR CHILD AND WE WILL NOT LOVE HIM OR HER ANY LESS BECAUSE OF ANY "PROBLEMS"!!!!) ...Because she then said "The statistics though, are lower than that, it's just what they make us say." (HAHAHAHAHA!!!!) I seriously almost laughed out loud! I was disgusted.
She then "let us" hear baby's heartbeat (how kind), pushing very hard on my stomach that I actually had pain for at least 15mins afterwards. We heard a heartbeat, however we were not sure if it was the baby's heartbeat or mine because last time what Kevin and I thought was the baby's heartbeat was mine. She held the machine there for less than a minute and said "Well there you go," I said "Oh, thats the baby?" She looked at me like I was stupid and said "Yes" and then walked away. If I had not asked what the bpm was, I would have not known.
Last time baby's heartbeat was beating at 160bpm and yesterday it was at 150bpm. I made a joke saying I needed to buy one of the heartbeat monitors so I can hear the heartbeat everyday; I didn't even get a laugh as she grabbed her things, muttered with that fake smile "Do you have any questions?." (OH how I would have LOVED to punch her in the face, I.... refrained) responding "No". And to our appease she told us to take our paper work to the front and walked out without a goodbye.
I wanted to run out of the building and scream! "Worst experience ever!" With having only five hours of sleep the night before, having to deal with her, then having to start taking pills that don't work and make me feel worse, and then still having to go work a ten hour shift! Yeah :( Yesterday wasn't one of my top ten days.
I'm trying to think back and only remember the moment we got to hear our baby's heartbeat.
That is what makes me smile.
Next baby appointment: April 11th @ 11am
Finding out what we are having: April 18th @ 1pm
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