It's Like: Mommyhood

"So, how is it being a mommy"? That's the initial question I hear most of the time these days....I smile and say "It's good, I'm sleep deprived, but it's worth it"... That seems to suffice the interviewer and they laugh, agree, and walk away. 


I'm glad. I'm glad that suffices their trying to make conversation because they haven't seen me for awhile curiosity. Because honestly...."How is it being a mommy"?

Well,

It's a lot of:  Will I ever sleep, eww you stink, you need a shower (No, not daddy or baby) but you. As in me. As in when was the last time I took a shower? As in, wow has a month really gone by that fast? (but not without a shower, lets clear that up...) As in getting up too fast and becoming dizzy. Then blinking too many times for clarity.


As in can you get me some coffee and then some more....go ahead fill my cup over. It's like I need help and thank you daddy for getting up when mommy can't open her eyes. It's like why is he crying? Have you gone through the check list? Diaper dirty? Feeding time? Just cranky? Gas? Tired? Lonely? Want's to cuddle? Just wants to play? Needs a bath because baby is on mommys schedule and mommy forgets and baby stinks and then he smiles once bath time is complete. Then you remember. Oh yeah it has been two days....(which only happened once, or twice. Don't judge, sleep walking living is tough you know.)


It's a lot of honesty, mixed with tears and joy and sometimes sadness. It's epic it's amazing it's like standing in line at Hershey Park at the fastest highest ride available and almost peeing your pants because you are so scared you literally wish you had chosen the back car to ride in, instead of the front. It's like wanting to turn around but the lines to long. It's like the lump in your throat and wishing you hadn't had breakfast before getting in line. It's like holding your husbands hand and relying on all your friends and just jumping for the heck of it and getting on the ride. It's as if you are getting in the first seat and acting like you are boss because (yeah, I've never done this before but look at me I choose the riskiest seat of all) It's like waiting for smiles and laughs and words. It's like sitting on your flip-flops and worrying they are going to fly out from under you while the rides in motion. It's like the click click click of the ride. It's like the cry that breaks the 5a.m. silence when you have only slept an hour and you just worked ten and have to do it all over again tomorrow. It's like taking the plunge and screaming, screaming, screaming, because that's all you can do. But then realizing, "Hey, I can let go". So your hands go up and you laugh. You laugh because you're not afraid anymore. You smile because your strong enough. You scream to intensify the purity of taking a risk and well... not failing. It's like jumping off, out of breath, then looking at your rock and yelling "Lets do it again!"  


It's like flashing lights while driving and passing go without collecting and falling over your feet; over and over and over again. It's like poetry in motion and spit up and poop and pee and busy days where sleep rules and  cleaning and laundry sits in the corner gossiping how you've really let yourself go. It's like realizing all you want to do (need to do) is hold your blessing. So you do. You hold them and cry, laugh, cry some more, laugh till you cry, look in the mirror; frown, then smile because theirs a blessing in your arms that used to be there...in your womb; with you twenty four seven but now...realizing that's no longer reality. It's like waking up and the world slapping you in the face. It's like waking up and slapping it back and screaming at the top of your lungs "I will win this fight"! It's like being rewarded the biggest trophy and being one too.


It's an out of breath, coffee fueled, adrenaline driving, crazed lapse of time, learning to climb, taking the risk, believing you'll be fine, leaning on the strength who's controlling everything from the sky, It's like: understanding He wont let you go....It's an upside down, hysterically mad roller coaster ride. 


It's amazing. It's my life. (and maybe yours) It's fun. It's difficult. It's new. It's my miracle. It's my roller coaster....It's my Mommyhood. It's my Joy.


                                                                ...........................

"So, how is it being a mommy"? I smile "It's good, I'm sleep deprived, but it's worth it".