Eviction notice.

I had no change at my last appointment, still was at 1cm and 70% effaced. It made me upset to be honest because of all the pain I had been in that week, I could have sworn it was going to be more and I was hoping they'd want to send me right to the hospital then! But no.....INSTEAD they scheduled an induction day for one week and two days past my due date. AGAIN, NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR! I am seriously drained from working up into my final days of pregnancy and am emotionally worn out also, I do not know how I've gone this long... My anxiety....YEAH....It's off the charts.

With five more days till my due date I can only hope that Rylan will decide he's ready (lets pray its after I leave work or on the weekend.) I really don't want to have to wait two more weeks to hold my son. However in the same instance, if he does wait that long and I have to be induced.... ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS EXACTLY, UNTIL I HOLD MY SON! :-D

If not before Rylan Paul will be born on September 14th, 2011 (honestly I always had the number 14 in my head however I thought it was going to be August 14th!!! Boy was I wrong!) Rylan still has time to prove me right with my theory that he's going to be early....I didn't think it would come down to "days early" (I thought more like weeks) but hey I'm not going to get picky now :-D

A ticking time bomb...AT LEAST, that's what I feel like!

Wow, it has been awhile since I wrote. I have been busy with appointments and work and honestly thought my little man would have shown up by now....but we are still waiting....

I have been off pelvic rest for almost two weeks now even though my placenta at last sonogram moved back from marginal placenta previa to low lining again, still close to my cervix but not as bad as before. Since I am considered full term that's why they are allowing pelvic rest to be lifted and now it's just a waiting game. They will allow me to go natural. The only reason I would have to have a C-section would be if I start to bleed too much during labor.

These past two weeks have been anxiety ridden! I can not express how tired, worn out, stressed, and FULL OF ANXIETY I am each day I have to walk into work and work 10hrs. And then do that for the entire week... I am terrified my water is going to break at work.... It causes me so much pain being on my feet and doing heavy lifting that some nights I feel like Rylan is just going to fall out as I slowly walk out of the door breathing through braxton hick contractions and the painful sharp pains that come along with your cervix lightening. I have come to realize that I am strong....That what I thought I was incapable of doing, I do and exceed expectations while doing. God has taught me how strong I am and I remember he doesn't give me anything I can't handle. SOOO....If that's being humiliated if my water is to break at work, then so be it... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....which brings me to the scary labor pains...YEAH (taking deep breath) I can do that too...yes, yes I can...(these words are on repeat daily in my mind)

As we come closer and closer to my due date (now ten days away!) I have noticed little personality traits of Rylans. Well at least I think they are. Here are some of the things that I have come to think Rylan will be like just from spending these nine and a half months with him in my womb.

1. He is going to be jumpy like daddy (Every time I hit a box on the hard table at work and it makes a loud noise, Rylan jumps! You would think he would be used to those noises by now!)
2. He is stubborn... (hmmmmmmmmm who does he get that from........ :-D)
3. He likes his space (Again.....I have NO idea who he gets that from! ok, maybe I am the same way...just maybe :-D He doesn't like anything laying on my belly and always kicks and squirms to get it off.)
4. He may be a picky eater but he is going to take after his daddy in this area (which is a good thing.) I believe fresh foods is going to be his thing. He will occasionally like the fried foods and sweets but it wont be his first choice, I think he will choose fruit over fries :-D
5. He is going to be laid back like daddy and I but all of a sudden get super hyper like his daddy does at times. And then he will crash and sleep after hours of going crazy :-D
6. He is going to just take his time in every area, when he chooses it's his time to make a decision or he needs to start something (even if people think it should have been sooner) he will make his choices when it's good for him and he's ready (AGAIN, no idea where he gets that from! OK....I do :-D)
7. He is going to be a night owl like mommy and daddy. Not so good when we want to sleep after working ten hours but hopefully we can get him on a schedule if my prediction is right, that he will be most awake at 3am.
8. He is going to LOVE his daddy! He always starts to move a lot once Kevin starts telling a long story, he LOVES hearing daddys voice.
9. He will be easily distracted.
10. My voice will calm him and put him to sleep. (The last two go together as one night Rylan was going CRAZY in my belly! So much so I was in pain and terrified my water was just going to burst right there at work. But then I started talking to the girl I was working with and for the entire night as we worked we talked back and forth and I talked more in that night than I had all week lol. He instantly became calm and remained like that the rest of the night....

It will be amazing to hold Rylan and watch his personality traits come into play. I can't wait to see who he looks like! I want to snuggle with him and give him a million kisses! I want to apologize for all the hard work I had to put us through while I carried him, I know he hates Target too :-D However if I do go into labor and have him at work (running joke at work lol) then we (Rylan, I, and my co-workers) believe Rylan should then be branded the "Target baby" and we should collect royalties and even if it doesn't make sense to the add....he HAS to be shown in every commercial!  Because they are forcing me into a box that is extremely draining me daily just to be there so I don't lose my job....It's the least they can do, right? :-D Yeah. I think YES!

Quiet...for now!

It has been so quiet in our house... barely any mess.... and so peaceful... All because two little kittens are no longer residing with us :(

We had to get rid of our kittens as they were WAY too much to handle. Due to our work schedule and how crazy busy we have been this summer we just were not home enough and they got into EVERYTHING! Once wires were chewed and we came home to no internet after them using our bedroom as there litterbox and out kitchen table and a bag of clothes as there toys, it was time to say goodbye... I miss them....however I miss my Pippa even more.... Honestly, I miss her terribly... I so wish I could hold her again. She was the best cat ever, I know I will never be able to find a cat as loving as her. I really wish Rylan would make his appearance so that I can focus on him and cuddle with him...

I honestly thought he would have arrived by now, however he is still chilling out waiting for his special day. As of right now my back is hurting like you wouldn't believe, I feel I can't get any relief from the pain and the feeling of just being uncomfortable is getting annoying! With an empty bottle of Tylenol all I can do is hope that my back stops hurting and I can get some rest tonight. However I really feel as though that isn't going to happen. I may have to send daddy out to get some Tylenol, we will see...

August 8th Baby Appointment

As we sat in the doctors office my anxiety rose... I wasn't sure if they were doing another exam or not, I thought they had to, to see if I had dilated anymore however apparently they do not check you each time. This was something I was very glad for once I found out I had the same doctor that had been so rough the last time.

Our appointment went well and Rylans heartbeat was very strong! It was the loudest I have heard it yet :-D I have lost two pounds since last week which they didn't say anything about and the back pain and braxton hicks that I have been having very frequently they noted in my chart.

Yesterday, though I was tired, I had the most energy and wanting to just go go go! I just wanted to shop, go on vacation, relax, and enjoy the last couple weeks of pregnancy (and/or days) depending on Ryrys timing....

However today....I am tired! Ready for a week off and relaxation with my amazing hubby and little man, I can't wait to hold Rylan and just stare at him.... I know I will forever be amazed at Gods gift to us. I can't wait to hear Rylan laugh, say "Mommy" and run with open arms yelling "Daddy" when he sees Kevin.

Everyday I think is today the day????.....It is the waiting game now.... :-D

One year and a hundred to go...

Last year today I married my best friend. I am amazed at how quickly this year has gone by and how much closer we have become as not only friends but as husband and wife. While facing the most difficult times of our lives and the most amazing; I have found even more security in knowing we are meant for each other and our strength together through God, abounds. I am so blessed to have the most amazing man by my side. Happy One Year Wedding Anniversary Baby!!!

 I am so grateful to now be awaiting the birth of our son. God has truly blessed me....

On our honeymoon in Niagara Falls!

In the blink of an eye...

As you know I had a doctors appointment on August 1st. I knew I was going to get some exams done however I did not expect the doctor I had to be so rough in the exam. Without going into much detail the doctor checked for dialation and to see if my cervix was closed or open. It was extremely painful.

As she yelled at me (yes yelled) to relax, my body just wouldn't let me because she was still doing the exam and being not gentle AT ALL! After the exam she mentioned my cervix was closed and continued to ask us if we had any questions. I was rather confused as she hadn't even gone over the results of our sonogram which we were told on Friday when I called to get them, that my placenta had moved closer to my cervix instead of away as they thought it would. When we mentioned the sonogram results and I mentioned about a C-section because that was what the nurse told me could be something they schedule the doctor made a face and shook her head "No, you're fine it's far enough away," she stated, then proceeded to get up and close my information on the computer. I looked at Kevin, both of us so confused at what she was saying I decided to speak up. "Well, if its fine for natural delivery then does that mean I am off pelvic rest"? She looked at me confused and said "No." I asked, now dazed with the conversation unfolding, "Well, when I called friday the nurse told me that it had gotten worse and moved closer to my cervix and the doctor we were going to see today would either schedule another sonogram or C-section." The doctor looked at me like I was crazy and another expression arose on her face, frustration.

She quickly turned back to the computer and pulled up my information. She looked at the sonogram results (for the first time) and said "No, its fine, you will not need a C-section; any other questions"? Confused is not the right word....maybe baffeled would work. Kevin and I looked at each other more baffeled then EVER before. I spoke up "Well, if it's gotten better like your saying, which is not what I was told when I called, why do I still have to be on pelvic rest"? I really never got an explanation for that question and even though in her mind my placenta had moved away (which is again the opposite I was told and was told by the last doctor if it had moved further away the pelvic rest would be lifted; which its still not, then why is this doctor saying it is better than the last sonogram...?????) I continued to ask basically the same questions due to my absolute confusion when she hastily cut in, "It will be fine, but I guess, just in case I'll schedule another sonogram for two weeks from now."

All I could think in that moment was ''what if I had never brought up what the other doctor and nurse had said, what if I had just taken her word for it that things got better and just made the decision myself, because she didn't clarify, to no longer be on pelvic rest''??? As she left the room she quickly said "If you have any bleeding, your water breaks, or contractions every 3-5 mins, go to the hospital, ok have a good day.".....And she was gone....and we honestly felt as though we had just gone through the ringer.

We were so confused and upset by that appointment we didn't go out for lunch, we just were not hungry anymore, it was replaced with absolute confusion. We headed to my moms for a visit instead as that was our plan after we would've gotten lunch. My mom was just as confused as we were and encouraged me to call the doctors office and try to get a better explanation of my sonogram results. I was planning on doing that when two hours after my doctors appointment I used the bathroom, for about the third time since leaving the doctors, (I had not had anything out of the norm happen before this third bathroom trip) when I saw some brown spotting. I have NEVER had any spotting and yelled for my mom to come check what I saw and to see if I needed to call the doctors. She said I should as I am so close to my due date and since I had been sore from the exam she thought it best, I agreed. I called and the only answer I received was that there can be normal spotting after those exams (yeah, news to me! The doctor could have told me that) And that the only reason to be concerned would be if the spotting was bright blood and if that happened I was to call back. I hung up the phone and briefly told my mom and kevin what I was told and then decided I wanted to go the bathroom just one more time to make sure nothing more spotted. (I apologize now for the TMI)

As I looked at the toilet paper my hands started shaking and all I could do was scream for my mom. Tears started flowing as I starred at bright blood. Mom came running in and as soon as she saw she yelled for kevin to come and bring my phone. It was all such a blur yet everything was so slow at the same time. As I wiped again more blood came and I started sobbing. All I can remember saying is "Theres a lot mom, theres so much." My head hurt so badly as we rushed to get to the hospital and my thoughts pained me "What if Rylan isn't ok?" I hadn't felt him move since the spotting and bleeding started and all I could do was think, was I not ever going to meet my son..... However once getting to the hospital and getting hooked up to all the monitors the woosh woosh of Rylans heartbeat filled the room  and though my nerves were shot, relief took over. BUT then....I suddenly started to think, "Oh my gosh, I can't do this if this is the day he is to arrive, I'm NOT ready!" (oh the emotional roller-coaster!)

We stayed at the hospital for almost two hours and our confusion of my doctors appointment was cleared up by the doctor that was there. She still mentioned I could deliver naturally but clarified that my placenta did move closer to the cervix so it was NOT further away as the previous doctor mentioned. She also stated that bleeding was also something that could happen after the exam that was done.... (blank stare, I know...)

In my case any bleeding could be a sign that my placenta covered my cervix and/or tore due to it's placement and the exam done, so I believe that is why they sent me to the hospital as well as to monitor Rylans heartbeat and movement which they said was fantastic. (sigh of relief!)

As we left the hospital we all felt drained.... emotionally and physically! Ever since that exam I have had more contractions everyday then ever before! As of Monday I was 1/2cm dialated and 50% effaced. We will find out Monday the 8th if it has changed (I think it has!) as another exam will be done at every visit and YES I'm terrified and hope that God gives me a doctor that is GENTLE and actually KNOWS what they are doing!!! I can't take another terrifying Monday...we will see what tomorrow has in store...