In the blink of an eye...

As you know I had a doctors appointment on August 1st. I knew I was going to get some exams done however I did not expect the doctor I had to be so rough in the exam. Without going into much detail the doctor checked for dialation and to see if my cervix was closed or open. It was extremely painful.

As she yelled at me (yes yelled) to relax, my body just wouldn't let me because she was still doing the exam and being not gentle AT ALL! After the exam she mentioned my cervix was closed and continued to ask us if we had any questions. I was rather confused as she hadn't even gone over the results of our sonogram which we were told on Friday when I called to get them, that my placenta had moved closer to my cervix instead of away as they thought it would. When we mentioned the sonogram results and I mentioned about a C-section because that was what the nurse told me could be something they schedule the doctor made a face and shook her head "No, you're fine it's far enough away," she stated, then proceeded to get up and close my information on the computer. I looked at Kevin, both of us so confused at what she was saying I decided to speak up. "Well, if its fine for natural delivery then does that mean I am off pelvic rest"? She looked at me confused and said "No." I asked, now dazed with the conversation unfolding, "Well, when I called friday the nurse told me that it had gotten worse and moved closer to my cervix and the doctor we were going to see today would either schedule another sonogram or C-section." The doctor looked at me like I was crazy and another expression arose on her face, frustration.

She quickly turned back to the computer and pulled up my information. She looked at the sonogram results (for the first time) and said "No, its fine, you will not need a C-section; any other questions"? Confused is not the right word....maybe baffeled would work. Kevin and I looked at each other more baffeled then EVER before. I spoke up "Well, if it's gotten better like your saying, which is not what I was told when I called, why do I still have to be on pelvic rest"? I really never got an explanation for that question and even though in her mind my placenta had moved away (which is again the opposite I was told and was told by the last doctor if it had moved further away the pelvic rest would be lifted; which its still not, then why is this doctor saying it is better than the last sonogram...?????) I continued to ask basically the same questions due to my absolute confusion when she hastily cut in, "It will be fine, but I guess, just in case I'll schedule another sonogram for two weeks from now."

All I could think in that moment was ''what if I had never brought up what the other doctor and nurse had said, what if I had just taken her word for it that things got better and just made the decision myself, because she didn't clarify, to no longer be on pelvic rest''??? As she left the room she quickly said "If you have any bleeding, your water breaks, or contractions every 3-5 mins, go to the hospital, ok have a good day.".....And she was gone....and we honestly felt as though we had just gone through the ringer.

We were so confused and upset by that appointment we didn't go out for lunch, we just were not hungry anymore, it was replaced with absolute confusion. We headed to my moms for a visit instead as that was our plan after we would've gotten lunch. My mom was just as confused as we were and encouraged me to call the doctors office and try to get a better explanation of my sonogram results. I was planning on doing that when two hours after my doctors appointment I used the bathroom, for about the third time since leaving the doctors, (I had not had anything out of the norm happen before this third bathroom trip) when I saw some brown spotting. I have NEVER had any spotting and yelled for my mom to come check what I saw and to see if I needed to call the doctors. She said I should as I am so close to my due date and since I had been sore from the exam she thought it best, I agreed. I called and the only answer I received was that there can be normal spotting after those exams (yeah, news to me! The doctor could have told me that) And that the only reason to be concerned would be if the spotting was bright blood and if that happened I was to call back. I hung up the phone and briefly told my mom and kevin what I was told and then decided I wanted to go the bathroom just one more time to make sure nothing more spotted. (I apologize now for the TMI)

As I looked at the toilet paper my hands started shaking and all I could do was scream for my mom. Tears started flowing as I starred at bright blood. Mom came running in and as soon as she saw she yelled for kevin to come and bring my phone. It was all such a blur yet everything was so slow at the same time. As I wiped again more blood came and I started sobbing. All I can remember saying is "Theres a lot mom, theres so much." My head hurt so badly as we rushed to get to the hospital and my thoughts pained me "What if Rylan isn't ok?" I hadn't felt him move since the spotting and bleeding started and all I could do was think, was I not ever going to meet my son..... However once getting to the hospital and getting hooked up to all the monitors the woosh woosh of Rylans heartbeat filled the room  and though my nerves were shot, relief took over. BUT then....I suddenly started to think, "Oh my gosh, I can't do this if this is the day he is to arrive, I'm NOT ready!" (oh the emotional roller-coaster!)

We stayed at the hospital for almost two hours and our confusion of my doctors appointment was cleared up by the doctor that was there. She still mentioned I could deliver naturally but clarified that my placenta did move closer to the cervix so it was NOT further away as the previous doctor mentioned. She also stated that bleeding was also something that could happen after the exam that was done.... (blank stare, I know...)

In my case any bleeding could be a sign that my placenta covered my cervix and/or tore due to it's placement and the exam done, so I believe that is why they sent me to the hospital as well as to monitor Rylans heartbeat and movement which they said was fantastic. (sigh of relief!)

As we left the hospital we all felt drained.... emotionally and physically! Ever since that exam I have had more contractions everyday then ever before! As of Monday I was 1/2cm dialated and 50% effaced. We will find out Monday the 8th if it has changed (I think it has!) as another exam will be done at every visit and YES I'm terrified and hope that God gives me a doctor that is GENTLE and actually KNOWS what they are doing!!! I can't take another terrifying Monday...we will see what tomorrow has in store...