Our Happy Beginning

The doctor rushed in quickly. He lifted the sheet and his expression turned grim. As he checked me for dilation announcing that I was only at four centimeters. I laid there not registering what was about to happen. With each contraction a surge of blood left me and my vision blurred; my head becoming foggy. Before I could process much of anything the doctor already announced that an emergency c-section needed to happen.

As I laid there two nurses tried to insert a catheter however with so much blood they had to try three times before finally getting it in. Kevin was already dressed in scrubs and my mom and mother in law had been pushed back by the door, only able to watch everything unfold. As a nurse lifted my head to put my hair in the blue surgical hat my fears about what was going to happen rose ten fold. "Are we doing an epidural"? I heard a nurse ask the doctor as at least five or more people rushed around me. "Yes, the doctor said, but if there is not enough time, it will be local anesthesia." In seconds my bed was moving towards the door, headed for surgery. With a quick tear filled goodbye to my mom and mother in law a nurse informed me that Kevin would be back with me after they prepped me.

As I was rushed into a brightly lit sterile operating room the feeling of being completely alone engulfed me as the fear of all that was happening bustled around me. I felt totally alone and numb with fear. Saying a quick prayer as they tried between contractions to insert the epidural my strength wavered. Taking a deep breath I knew I had to trust that God had everything under control. It was my only hope.

As I laid back and felt the epidural take effect, the doctor started getting ready to start the c-section. As the blue curtain rose to cover my sight of what the doctor was about to do, my heart sped up as I realized I could still feel my toes. Not knowing what to do and extremely worried that I was going to feel what they were about to do I spoke up. "Umm, I, I, can still feel my legs". The anesthesiologist calmly stated that the numbness would get stronger very quickly. With a nervous laugh I took his word for it, but not before trying to move my toes just one more time. When I couldn't feel my attempt at movement a calm settled my nerves and suddenly my support was at my side. "Hi" Kevin breathed. Tears came to my eyes as I looked up at him only able to see his eyes behind his mask; I was no longer alone, "Hi" I smiled.

For about a minute a light tugging and pulling feeling was all that I could feel as the doctors worked and then suddenly I heard Rylan cry. At first it didn't register that that was my son; he was safe and I was still here to hear him cry....I looked up at Kevin as the nurse lifted Rylan over for us to see. The curtain was hiding Rylans face, so all I could see was his belly and legs. As Kevin looked from Rylan to me tears filled his eyes and he loving leaned in and kissed me on my forehead. "Is he cute"? I asked. Kevin laughed "Yes, he said, he's beautiful."

I so badly wanted Kevin to stay by my side however as a nurse yelled, "Dad, come here and cut the umbilical cord" my moral support left my side. After Kevin cut the cord my family was rushed away and there I lay once again, alone.

The longest part was waiting as I was being sewed back up. As I heard the sound of the staple gun all I could think was, my baby is safe and I would without a doubt go through all that I had just gone through again having my son as the outcome.

All the pain that I then endured during the hospital stay and after was all worth it. Everything from needing my husband to shower me and help me go to the bathroom because I couldn't do it myself. Only being able to move with the help of a nurse and pain medicine. Feeling at one point that I was loosing consciousnesses when I reacted badly to a dose of benadryl and sobbing when the excruciating pain that surged through my body with every attempt to move overwhelmed me even a week after delivery.

When I was unable to get out of bed for a day and a half after I delivered due to being uncontrollably dizzy; later finding out it was because I had lost so much blood during delivery that I had become anemic; almost needing a blood transfusion. Being told that because of what happened; my placenta tore away and ruptured during delivery, that they can not be certain that I will be able to get pregnant again but think it a likely possibility.

Even almost losing my own life...to bring a new life into this world...

I would endure it all again...

Just to hold my son, to kiss my son, to hug my son, to love my son, to raise my son; 

Rylan Paul Brown, born 9/10/11 at 10:54pm weighing 8lbs, 6.3oz, 
19 1/4 inches long.

I would go through everything for you my precious little boy, my miracle,
 I love you.