Our Happy Beginning

The doctor rushed in quickly. He lifted the sheet and his expression turned grim. As he checked me for dilation announcing that I was only at four centimeters. I laid there not registering what was about to happen. With each contraction a surge of blood left me and my vision blurred; my head becoming foggy. Before I could process much of anything the doctor already announced that an emergency c-section needed to happen.

As I laid there two nurses tried to insert a catheter however with so much blood they had to try three times before finally getting it in. Kevin was already dressed in scrubs and my mom and mother in law had been pushed back by the door, only able to watch everything unfold. As a nurse lifted my head to put my hair in the blue surgical hat my fears about what was going to happen rose ten fold. "Are we doing an epidural"? I heard a nurse ask the doctor as at least five or more people rushed around me. "Yes, the doctor said, but if there is not enough time, it will be local anesthesia." In seconds my bed was moving towards the door, headed for surgery. With a quick tear filled goodbye to my mom and mother in law a nurse informed me that Kevin would be back with me after they prepped me.

As I was rushed into a brightly lit sterile operating room the feeling of being completely alone engulfed me as the fear of all that was happening bustled around me. I felt totally alone and numb with fear. Saying a quick prayer as they tried between contractions to insert the epidural my strength wavered. Taking a deep breath I knew I had to trust that God had everything under control. It was my only hope.

As I laid back and felt the epidural take effect, the doctor started getting ready to start the c-section. As the blue curtain rose to cover my sight of what the doctor was about to do, my heart sped up as I realized I could still feel my toes. Not knowing what to do and extremely worried that I was going to feel what they were about to do I spoke up. "Umm, I, I, can still feel my legs". The anesthesiologist calmly stated that the numbness would get stronger very quickly. With a nervous laugh I took his word for it, but not before trying to move my toes just one more time. When I couldn't feel my attempt at movement a calm settled my nerves and suddenly my support was at my side. "Hi" Kevin breathed. Tears came to my eyes as I looked up at him only able to see his eyes behind his mask; I was no longer alone, "Hi" I smiled.

For about a minute a light tugging and pulling feeling was all that I could feel as the doctors worked and then suddenly I heard Rylan cry. At first it didn't register that that was my son; he was safe and I was still here to hear him cry....I looked up at Kevin as the nurse lifted Rylan over for us to see. The curtain was hiding Rylans face, so all I could see was his belly and legs. As Kevin looked from Rylan to me tears filled his eyes and he loving leaned in and kissed me on my forehead. "Is he cute"? I asked. Kevin laughed "Yes, he said, he's beautiful."

I so badly wanted Kevin to stay by my side however as a nurse yelled, "Dad, come here and cut the umbilical cord" my moral support left my side. After Kevin cut the cord my family was rushed away and there I lay once again, alone.

The longest part was waiting as I was being sewed back up. As I heard the sound of the staple gun all I could think was, my baby is safe and I would without a doubt go through all that I had just gone through again having my son as the outcome.

All the pain that I then endured during the hospital stay and after was all worth it. Everything from needing my husband to shower me and help me go to the bathroom because I couldn't do it myself. Only being able to move with the help of a nurse and pain medicine. Feeling at one point that I was loosing consciousnesses when I reacted badly to a dose of benadryl and sobbing when the excruciating pain that surged through my body with every attempt to move overwhelmed me even a week after delivery.

When I was unable to get out of bed for a day and a half after I delivered due to being uncontrollably dizzy; later finding out it was because I had lost so much blood during delivery that I had become anemic; almost needing a blood transfusion. Being told that because of what happened; my placenta tore away and ruptured during delivery, that they can not be certain that I will be able to get pregnant again but think it a likely possibility.

Even almost losing my own life...to bring a new life into this world...

I would endure it all again...

Just to hold my son, to kiss my son, to hug my son, to love my son, to raise my son; 

Rylan Paul Brown, born 9/10/11 at 10:54pm weighing 8lbs, 6.3oz, 
19 1/4 inches long.

I would go through everything for you my precious little boy, my miracle,
 I love you.

Our story...

The sun poured in through our bedroom window casting a bright outlook for the day. As soon as my eyes opened a strong ache in my back caused me to stretch, trying to relieve the pain. After getting up and going to the bathroom followed with more stretching I laid back down, defeated. Nothing worked, so I decided to try and fall back asleep. Usually the pains would go away once I fell asleep however this time it was different. I blinked at our bedroom clock as the numbers glared at me. It was nine fifteen a.m. I knew I had just gone to the bathroom at nine and though I thought it odd that I had gotten awake just fifteen minutes after laying down I forced closed my eyes and dozed back off trying to ignore my discomfort. However I awoke again only fifteen minutes later to the same pains. My thoughts started to surge as my mind wandered. Oh no, I thought, was this it? Looking at the clock once more I realized that I had always been able to sleep once Braxton hicks contractions started and I knew me waking up every fifteen minutes was not the norm.

As tightness in my back formed and pain came around the front of my abdomen once again, now marking that these contractions were now ten minutes apart; I looked over at my husband soundly sleeping, knowing I needed to wake him. “Babe, I said trying to remain calm, Babe, I repeat again trying to stir him. He opened his eyes slowly then closed them. I sighed, anxiety filling my every emotion; I really needed him to wake up. Shaking him I spoke “Babe please wake up, I really think I’m in labor”. He slowly opened his eyes, living up to his hard to wake demeanor and slightly looked at me giving me slight recognition. “What”? he asked. “I think I’m in labor” I said again. He sat up quickly “Really” he exclaimed, panic filling his expression. I nodded. He was awake now.

The morning progressed with Kevin getting ready for work as I breathed through contractions and got ready to spend the day with my family. As we left the house my contractions that had now been ten minutes apart decided to become five minutes apart. About five minutes from my parents house my contractions then became four to three minutes apart. As I walked inside my parents’ house, Kevin was now on the phone calling off work, knowing this had to be it. As my mom saw my face I spoke “I think I’m in labor”. As I tried to tell her what had been going on since nine fifteen she spoke “Oh, yeah this is the real thing, you stop talking when one comes; this is definitely labor.” I decided to try and see if they stayed between three and four minutes apart for the next hour before I hastily called the doctor. As we waited I had some jelly toast, the only thing I had eaten all day. It took me an hour to eat it as each contraction became closer. By the time they were two and a half minutes apart I decided I needed to call the doctor. Within ten minutes they called me back and my doctor told me to come on in to labor and delivery.

Kevin and I left and made our way to the hospital. Honestly as we drove Kevin looked over and laughed at me as he saw me fixing my makeup. I smiled and casually breathed through each contraction.  Once we pulled into the parking lot my heart started to race. I hate hospitals and knew if I was going in there I better be leaving with my baby. I did not want another false alarm; I emotionally and mentally wouldn’t be able to handle it. As the double doors of the hospital automatically opened I squeezed Kevin’s hand and asked him to slow down, a contraction took my complete attention and I needed to go slow. As we made it back the hallway to the elevators I became very nauseous and stopped to use the restroom. Quickly going inside I started gagging but nothing came up, as soon as I thought I might be able to relieve my stomach of the only thing in there; two pieces of toast, I heard the bathroom door open and more people come in. Luckily I was able to regain my composure and keep down my food. As I washed my hands I turned to the side and glanced just once more at my baby bump. Tears came to my eyes as a wash of acknowledgement of what was about to happen became clear. In that moment I knew without a doubt that I was not going to see my baby bump again. Taking a deep breath I opened the door with tears in my eyes reached for Kevin’s hand for more than just walking support; and we made our way up to labor and delivery.

They took us into a monitoring room and quickly hooked me up to the baby heart rate monitor and contraction monitor. After checking my dilation and informing me I was only three centimeters dilated they then checked my blood pressure. It was high. Having high blood pressure at times accompanies being overdue; and because I already was having contractions and was at least three centimeters they admitted me and our labor and delivery story really began.   

As we made our way into room 578 the white and blue backdrop of the hospital faded and my nerves elevated. This was it. I could do this. You can do this, was all that ran through my mind. As I laid there each contraction became stronger and my will to get through what I expected to happen stood firm, I had to believe God would get me through the scary unknown of delivery. As I breathed, prayed, breathed, prayed through each contraction, I never expected my story to take the turn it did. At 10.25pm a strong contraction took my complete attention and as it ended I felt a gush of fluid release. “Umm I, I think my water just broke” I said nervously, trying to get the nurses attention as I felt more fluid run out. As the nurse calmly pulled back the sheet ready to check me her calm demeanor changed and she quickly stood up checked my vitals, looked over at me her eyes wide and said “I’m just going to go get the doctor, ok, I just want him to check as I’m seeing more blood than normal”. I nodded as tears came to my eyes. I reached for Kevins hand as a blurry vision of my nurse exited the room. Looking over at my husband for support, I blinked and then everything took a turn for the worse…

To be continued…

Over Due, with some much needed info thrown in.

Rylan is definitely NOT early as it is now two days past my due date.....I have already been proven wrong by my son. Uhoh!...(I blame kevin :-D)

Being tired. Irritated. And just worn out. Especially after my doctors appointment that still showed no more dilation or change, yesterday I felt SO defeated... The thought of working this last week before my induction poised a looming threat that of all weeks to go into labor at work, this would definitely be the one seeing as I am now an over due library book. I literally could not handle the anxiety anymore and decided to start my maternity leave a week early (and if he comes this week before my induction date, I WONT have to worry about being at work!)

As I picked up the phone to call HR at work my anxiety floored. They have me under CA which doesn't allow me to miss work...SOOO will they tell me I can't take my maternity leave early? Can they do that? They shouldn't be able to! Right???  This was the main back and forth in my mind. As I took a deep breath I just decided to try, I called and left a message and then waited an hour and a half before getting a call back and was then given another number corporately to call  to discuss starting my maternity leave early.........

WELL, BOY was I surprised with the information that was then provided to me!!! 

Below is the conversation that then ensued. 

"Hi my name is Sue ( I can't remember what it really was but lets just use that name.) I hear you are wanting to start your maternity leave early prior to delivering." "Yes, I said, I will be induced next week and believe it in my best interest to start it early." "Ok, Sue says, so when is your due date"? I paused and without thinking it was a big deal I said "Oh, (insert nervous laughter) it was yesterday." (Pause on the line) "OH! OK" Sue exclaimed "Wow, I see, so when was your last full day at work?" "Oh it was Thursday" I said. (insert another pause) "Well ok, well this situation is a little different" Sue spoke, she continued, "You do not have to actually have this week before your induction date as maternity leave because you are actually eligible for time off with 70% pay for, at least, two weeks PRIOR to your due date; seeing as you are now past your due date (insert nervous laughter on her part) you are definitely more than eligible to take this week as short term." She continued. "We offer this to our employees because we really do not want our employees to have there babys at our businesses!"

(On my part:...Insert, mouth falling open, choice words filling my mind, lets through in a blank stare and clearing of the throat, OH YEAH and add another nervous laugh....) "Wow, I say in response, OK, this would have been some great information to have been given a while ago, umm yeah, lets start that short term this week!"

Soooo here I am, have been, working my...."butt" off  and not one person could have told me this was available to me :-O...MAYBE my son would not be late if I could have had the time off before my due date...who knows....

I know my anxiety has not helped him with not coming. I am extremely annoyed..... however..... VERY happy that I do not have to take from my maternity leave for this week (I actually found out I can take more time after six weeks called "bonding time" with my baby, it would not be paid but it is something I am able to take if needed.)

So that was my yesterday!

 :-D So, now I await Rylan Paul Browns grand appearance with anticipation; as the bitter taste of work induced anxiety fades... 

I'm smiling, over due and all.