Daddy and Mommys day out!

FINALLY a day off where daddy and I could enjoy a beautiful day together! AND go SHOPPING!!! :-D Of course I wanted to buy EVERYTHING I saw, but that's what daddy is for, to hold me back (and oh yeah remind me of how much is left in his wallet :-D )

We had a great date date and can't wait when we can actually hold you Rylan and you can actually experience all that we do! We went to the Cold Stone Creamery for the first time and we are now addicted!!! We can't wait to take you and let you go crazy and get all messy in the yummy ice cream.

Here is what we got for you Rylan and a couple other things that your Mimi and Great Grammy and Pappy bought for you :-D

This is what Daddy picked out for you!

 Mommy picked this out for you to wear next summer.

This is from Great Grammy and Pappy!

Mimi bought the last three things for you!

The start of your ever growing closet

"I'm ok Mommy"

With every movement Rylan is telling me "Mommy I'm ok." 

I hate going to work because I can't feel his little movements and sometimes kicks when I'm moving around, sometimes I get worried and just want to lay down and feel him. He is more active at night which makes sense since daddy and I are night owls and our work schedule is so crazy. We get home around 3:15am and our bedtime is usually between then and 5am.

I have gained two pounds almost three since my last doctors appointment. But I usually do and then I lose it right before my next appointment because I get severely sick. I think it's because I'm going and going on empty, I have lunch before work and then throw up and then go to work and then feel sick and at times throw up at work and then come home barely able to walk inside because my body is so tired (I still have to keep my productivity up at work so I can't slow down.) Because I push myself a lot with work and don't slow down because I can't (I will loose my job if I miss any days by May 12th and after that can't miss more than one day after that for 7 months.) Everything is just magnified with every headache, nausea, trip to the bathroom, dizzy spell, and every emotion; I am worn out and so is Rylan and I think it just catches up to us in that last week of the month and it takes all I can to get out of bed.

I am tired and sick and sick and tired of being both. I'm ready to just be a stay at home mom (I can dream).

I have been doing better since getting the news from my doctor about my condition. I have had an outpouring of prayers and support and I greatly appreciate it (Thank you everyone) I have been told by a lot of people that had the same thing as me that they were are able to have healthy pregnancy's. I am praying that I have the same outcome and at our next sonogram everything will be ok.

Again thank you so very much to all our family and friends who are there for us. We love you!

With one phone call...

Have you ever been so sad, heartbroken, overwhelmed, worried....that you cry yourself to sleep and when you wake in the morning your eyes open and immediately the tears start to flow once more? You can't stop your eyes from crying, as much as you yell at them, you can't stop them because they are attached to your heart and are just showing your hearts hurt. As much as you try to just go back to sleep and just forget, you can't forget, now all you can do is remember...

Yesterday I got a call from my doctor who wanted to go over my ultrasound results. Immediately they said Rylan is doing great and he's ok, however my placenta is low lining and on the verge of a Placenta Previa. When this happens it can be harmful to baby and mother and requires an immediate c-section. Complications can arise that include having a premature baby who does not survive, the mother bleeding too much during a c-section and causing a serious risk to my well being. The baby can also have birth defects since being born early. Another scare is that the placenta when it is lower can affect/attach itself to the cervix which when having a c-section this can cause you to go through a lot of blood loss, which in turn requires the doctors to perform a complete hysterectomy to save the mother from serious complications and or death. No one knows why it happens....some of the causes listed I have not one. SO I am at a loss as to why I have the possibility of having this happen.

The only good thing is that in my situation when it is caught before or right at 20 weeks, they can try and prevent placenta previa by being on pelvic rest for four to six weeks. It does not mean that my placenta will not move from the low position that it is at and cause the cervix to be closed off allowing no other recourse than to have to a c-section and possibly go through the above stated scenarios. However I have to remain calm and faithful that my Jesus, my daddy, has it all under control and he will work his miracle.

Part of the symptoms that you have with placenta previa is bleeding, sometimes light bleeding sometimes extremely heavy bleeding, both times if you are bleeding due to this, you have to be hospitalized and the baby has to be delivered as soon as possible. I have not had any bleeding, ever, during my pregnancy. Because my placenta is only close to my cervix and hasn't covered it I wouldn't have the bleeding until it completely moves in front the cervix. This is why pelvic rest is needed. The doctor is hoping this fixes the problem. A couple weeks ago when I was in all that pain and went in to be checked, they told me it was ligament pains. I knew they were wrong. And now I know why all that pain and my own "Mothers instinct" was right, I know my body and now it all makes sense. I believe 100% that in that week my placenta was moving from above the baby and starting to low line.

Last night I woke up after only sleeping four hours, instantly I started crying and tried to force myself back to sleep as I have to work today. In getting just one more hour of sleep I had the worst nightmare. I went to the bathroom and couldn't stop bleeding.....It all seemed so real and when I woke up I ran to the bathroom just to make sure it really wasn't true. As I starred at the piece of toilet tissue that showed no traces of blood I was relieved yet in the same instance I couldn't help but think when I have to go to the bathroom again....what will I face? (again the tears started)

My world has been turned upside down with just one phone call. I am more aware of all my "Mothers instincts" than ever before. I am not ignoring any of them, in a way it feels they are haunting me......

You see, I have always had a feeling that Rylan was going to be born early, I have said it numerous times. However, in my mind, early means August instead of September not May or June vs September. Because I was only born seven weeks from now, you can understand my torment and my fear of Rylan having to face the same struggle of survival as I did. I can only pray that God allows everything to be fixed and my sweet beautiful baby boy will be alright....

I am beyond scared, broken, worried, terrified, exhausted (I can't sleep) feverishly praying, sobbing and wailing in my husbands arms.....The pain of not knowing what is going to happen is OVERWHELMING and devastating. I try to bravely face this head on, yet inside I feel so broken. Did I cause this to happen? Is my baby going to die because of me? Will I never be able to have children? Will I never again be able to feel a child move inside of my womb? Will I be a good mom and be able to take care of Rylan and give him all he needs if he has special needs or birth defects? And.....

My biggest question.... Will we never get to meet our son?..... play ball with him, cook him his favorite meal, teach him how to swim, or see him get married and start his own family?...........Right now my mind is my torment and my heart is filled with pain. I haven't stopped crying since yesterday.

I have a sonogram scheduled for May 16th at 10a.m. to check the placenta and hope that it has moved away from my cervix. If it has I will then be monitored throughout the remainder of my pregnancy and have to have sonograms every couple weeks to make sure nothing moved back. If it hasn't moved or becomes worse I do not know what will be needed....At the date of my sonogram I will be 24 weeks, 3 weeks shy of when I was born.

Please. Please. Pray for Kevin and I as we face this situation. All I ask of you is to pray....we thank you for your love and support, and above all right now we need your love and prayers the most.

We are having a......???

As we woke with anticipation on April 18th, 2011 we couldn't help but be on edge, today was a very BIG day. Not much was said on the way to our appointment other than "So what do you think we are having"? followed with an "I don't know, I think one thing then think well maybe not..." The back and forth kept us occupied and my hyperventilating down to a minimum.

As we walked into the doctors office all I could think was ''Wow this is it!'' (well, that and I have to pee like NOW, SO hurry up people.) The 24oz of water you are to consume an hour before the sonogram does not help at all when you are five months pregnant and constantly have to pee because your little one always likes to sleep, kick, hang out, and swim right on your bladder (sorry mimi that I did the same to you). With my gazillion nerves rushing around inside of me and increasing my urge to cross my legs, the odds that I would pee my pants before even making it back to the sonogram room was a likely scenario. 

With ice cold hands I reached for my husbands always warm inviting grip. We sat there my legs bouncing as he sat there coolly not allowing his nerves to get the best of him, (however his Cheshire grin blew his cover.) Often we looked at each other and smiled. Then I would mutter something like "Oh my gosh I'm so nervous", followed with my main saying of every day, "Holy crap they better hurry up I gotta pee!"

Luckily without our hearts bursting out of our chests and my pants dry (accomplishment!) We were finally in the sonogram room and starring up at the black and white screen with out little brownie right there for us to see. We were mesmerized and honestly the entire moment of  "So what are we having" went by so quickly I wish I could rewind back to that moment and have a re-do. The sonogram technician was so nice and laid back, it was a great experience, HOWEVER I wish she would have paused and had a build up in telling us what God had blessed us with. There was no "Are you ready to know what you are having"? Followed by a movie like scene pausing for effect then BANG, as soon as the beautiful music erupts the BIG reveal closes the scene. NOPE, that didn't happen. As we starred at our little baby on that screen Kevin and I just held hands and fell into a fog like state, it was amazing. I barely heard her when she spoke "So, it's a Boy". I immediately responded "Wait what? It is a boy?" She pointed to our baby boys parts which I still think is just a black and white blur and said "Oh yes, there it is, thats a boy!" I immediately began smiling and of course had to inform her that I knew we were having a boy! The rest of the appointment the technician checked on our sons, (YAH!, OUR SON...Ok sorry I just LOVE saying that!) organs and measuring the head and looking at the brain and heart. My due date is right at the exact timeline of our sons development and she said everything looked great! :-D

The 45mins that we had just watching and laughing at his movements was simply A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It all just makes me want to hold our little blessing right now. I will note, that our son was not that cooperative during the sonogram. The technician had to get a picture of the four chamber heart and he would not turn over, he laid down on his belly with his knees bent and butt up in the air just chilling out. She said numerous times how stubborn he was, especially when we would finally get him on his side and right when she would go to take a picture he would flip right back onto his belly :-D Oh how I already knew he would be stubborn :-D (ahem, husband, lol)

I bet if you saw us walking into target buying our baby blue shirts to surprise my family with the big reveal that IT'S A BOY! You would have thought we got into some awesome pain killers and took more than the recommended dose. We smiled and laughed and Kevin guided me away from people, displays, and polls as I sent a text to all my girlfriends who were waiting to hear the big news. We couldn't be happier and just want to tell the world!!!!

We are elated to introduce you to our handsome, adorable, amazing, biggest blessing of our lives:

Rylan Paul

*Five months*

Everyone wants to know!

With all the stress of my job security, though it is hanging on by a thread, God has still blessed me with still having it. I have worked really hard this week and my body is feeling it! I haven't been still long enough to feel much of the baby's movements and I am missing feeling every little flutter. When I am still (and not exhausted and instantly falling asleep) I like to just lay down and wait for baby brownie to move. I am five months pregnant and wish I could feel more movement but I know some woman don't feel movement until the higher months so I am blessed to be able to feel baby now. Especially since I have been feeling little bubbles and flutters since week twelve of my pregnancy.

Right now hubby and I are just going crazy waiting for our appointment on the 18th! I pray everything is fine with baby and we are able to see a good clear picture of baby's face, hands, fingers, toes, arms, legs, AND find out if baby is a boy or girl! I hope baby isn't shy!!! :-D

My bump is growing and I definitely am feeling more pregnant daily, however everyone I tell that I am five months along can't believe it and instantly stare at my bump and ask "What bump! you look like your only three months along!"  Hopefully this weekend, when I have some time, I will update with a new bump picture :-D

Early Appointment (4/7/11)

Due to having some pretty sharp abdominal pains that increasingly got worse over three days I called the doctor. They wanted to see me just to make sure everything was ok. They reassured me that it was just from the baby growing but also said that what I do at my job doesn't help and referred me to a physical therapist to help with lifting and moving around. Lately that is my biggest problem, besides being sick, all the muscle pains hurt really bad especially in my back (having lower back spasms) and abdominal pulling/cramps are very difficult to deal with and it's hard to be up and around for very long, as well as get a full night sleep. These past two weeks have been difficult but that one date April 18th is helping me get through!

In one week we will find out what we are having!!!! :-D We are so excited and can't wait for that day hurry up and be here!!!

Since the first day when we heard our baby's heartbeat this is how the BPM have changed: 

Feb 14th: 160

March 15th: 150

April 7th: 140

My mountain top view

With only two more weeks to go until we find out what we are having, my excitement is overwhelming. I can't wait to find out!!! The day I found out I was pregnant 1.1.11. :-D I had a dream that night that I was having a boy. Throughout my pregnancy I have still thought boy, until recently when I thought WELL JUST MAYBE I might get my girl! However as the time ticks down all I can think about is how I am going to feel when the sonogram technician tells me whether we will have a son or daughter. I will be surprised if they say "It's a Girl!" Because I honestly really think its a boy :-D  We have our names picked out but we are not sure if we want to share them or not. As of now, only close family knows. (We will see if I can keep our secret, hmmm, not sure if I can once we know what we are having!)

My energy levels are not the highest right now, since I am still getting sick with anything I eat, I worry about the demands at my job and having financial security, thinking about that is draining me. I am praying that God will keep us safe and secure and take care of our situation. That's all I can do at this point. You're continued prayers are appreciated.

Lately, my pregnancy symptoms consist of severe morning sickness, weight loss, daily back pain, not much heartburn problems just sometimes ( Kevin and I both didn't have much hair until we were older and they say the more hair the baby has the worse heartburn you have, maybe a myth who knows :-) ) dry skin, lifeless hair at times (annoying YES). I also have the "ligament pains" were baby is mostly hanging out in my lower abdomen and were everything is growing. And my lovely already huge boobs have seemed to, hmm, blossom? over night. While husband is loving it, I am trying to find my feet! Not because of a baby bump, nope, those mountains are in my way! Really not the mountain top view I want.

I stepped up to the plate and cancelled my appointment on April 11th due to finding out I was going to be with the same ignorant doctor I had last time. I told them I wanted to avoid seeing her and the receptionist did not sound surprised at all (I have heard from many people that have gone there or know people who went there who also had a problem with that doctor.) I have to fill out some survey explaining why my visit was "unsatisfactory". The receptionist said they do not stand for their patients to be unhappy with their services, so I am pleased with the outcome. I will now have my next baby appointment on Friday April the 15th at 1pm with the first doctor I ever saw there, which I LOVED, so that is a MAJOR blessing as I will have to discuss my work concerns with her. Then on April 18th at 1pm we will FINALLY find out what we are having!!!!! 

I'M SOOOOO EXCITED AND JUST CAN'T WAIT!!! Right now I'm ALL smiles!

This weekend Kevin and I had my sisters over and we had so much fun! Though I was constantly running to the bathroom and tired, having them over for the weekend lifted my spirits! Thanks Mimi and Popi for letting them hang with us!!!! In our fun, here is a little of what we got into :-D