I am so grateful to now be awaiting the birth of our son. God has truly blessed me....
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| On our honeymoon in Niagara Falls! |
Sunday, August 7, 2011
One year and a hundred to go...
Last year today I married my best friend. I am amazed at how quickly this year has gone by and how much closer we have become as not only friends but as husband and wife. While facing the most difficult times of our lives and the most amazing; I have found even more security in knowing we are meant for each other and our strength together through God, abounds. I am so blessed to have the most amazing man by my side. Happy One Year Wedding Anniversary Baby!!!
I am so grateful to now be awaiting the birth of our son. God has truly blessed me....
I am so grateful to now be awaiting the birth of our son. God has truly blessed me....
In the blink of an eye...
As you know I had a doctors appointment on August 1st. I knew I was going to get some exams done however I did not expect the doctor I had to be so rough in the exam. Without going into much detail the doctor checked for dialation and to see if my cervix was closed or open. It was extremely painful.
As she yelled at me (yes yelled) to relax, my body just wouldn't let me because she was still doing the exam and being not gentle AT ALL! After the exam she mentioned my cervix was closed and continued to ask us if we had any questions. I was rather confused as she hadn't even gone over the results of our sonogram which we were told on Friday when I called to get them, that my placenta had moved closer to my cervix instead of away as they thought it would. When we mentioned the sonogram results and I mentioned about a C-section because that was what the nurse told me could be something they schedule the doctor made a face and shook her head "No, you're fine it's far enough away," she stated, then proceeded to get up and close my information on the computer. I looked at Kevin, both of us so confused at what she was saying I decided to speak up. "Well, if its fine for natural delivery then does that mean I am off pelvic rest"? She looked at me confused and said "No." I asked, now dazed with the conversation unfolding, "Well, when I called friday the nurse told me that it had gotten worse and moved closer to my cervix and the doctor we were going to see today would either schedule another sonogram or C-section." The doctor looked at me like I was crazy and another expression arose on her face, frustration.
She quickly turned back to the computer and pulled up my information. She looked at the sonogram results (for the first time) and said "No, its fine, you will not need a C-section; any other questions"? Confused is not the right word....maybe baffeled would work. Kevin and I looked at each other more baffeled then EVER before. I spoke up "Well, if it's gotten better like your saying, which is not what I was told when I called, why do I still have to be on pelvic rest"? I really never got an explanation for that question and even though in her mind my placenta had moved away (which is again the opposite I was told and was told by the last doctor if it had moved further away the pelvic rest would be lifted; which its still not, then why is this doctor saying it is better than the last sonogram...?????) I continued to ask basically the same questions due to my absolute confusion when she hastily cut in, "It will be fine, but I guess, just in case I'll schedule another sonogram for two weeks from now."
All I could think in that moment was ''what if I had never brought up what the other doctor and nurse had said, what if I had just taken her word for it that things got better and just made the decision myself, because she didn't clarify, to no longer be on pelvic rest''??? As she left the room she quickly said "If you have any bleeding, your water breaks, or contractions every 3-5 mins, go to the hospital, ok have a good day.".....And she was gone....and we honestly felt as though we had just gone through the ringer.
We were so confused and upset by that appointment we didn't go out for lunch, we just were not hungry anymore, it was replaced with absolute confusion. We headed to my moms for a visit instead as that was our plan after we would've gotten lunch. My mom was just as confused as we were and encouraged me to call the doctors office and try to get a better explanation of my sonogram results. I was planning on doing that when two hours after my doctors appointment I used the bathroom, for about the third time since leaving the doctors, (I had not had anything out of the norm happen before this third bathroom trip) when I saw some brown spotting. I have NEVER had any spotting and yelled for my mom to come check what I saw and to see if I needed to call the doctors. She said I should as I am so close to my due date and since I had been sore from the exam she thought it best, I agreed. I called and the only answer I received was that there can be normal spotting after those exams (yeah, news to me! The doctor could have told me that) And that the only reason to be concerned would be if the spotting was bright blood and if that happened I was to call back. I hung up the phone and briefly told my mom and kevin what I was told and then decided I wanted to go the bathroom just one more time to make sure nothing more spotted. (I apologize now for the TMI)
As I looked at the toilet paper my hands started shaking and all I could do was scream for my mom. Tears started flowing as I starred at bright blood. Mom came running in and as soon as she saw she yelled for kevin to come and bring my phone. It was all such a blur yet everything was so slow at the same time. As I wiped again more blood came and I started sobbing. All I can remember saying is "Theres a lot mom, theres so much." My head hurt so badly as we rushed to get to the hospital and my thoughts pained me "What if Rylan isn't ok?" I hadn't felt him move since the spotting and bleeding started and all I could do was think, was I not ever going to meet my son..... However once getting to the hospital and getting hooked up to all the monitors the woosh woosh of Rylans heartbeat filled the room and though my nerves were shot, relief took over. BUT then....I suddenly started to think, "Oh my gosh, I can't do this if this is the day he is to arrive, I'm NOT ready!" (oh the emotional roller-coaster!)
We stayed at the hospital for almost two hours and our confusion of my doctors appointment was cleared up by the doctor that was there. She still mentioned I could deliver naturally but clarified that my placenta did move closer to the cervix so it was NOT further away as the previous doctor mentioned. She also stated that bleeding was also something that could happen after the exam that was done.... (blank stare, I know...)
In my case any bleeding could be a sign that my placenta covered my cervix and/or tore due to it's placement and the exam done, so I believe that is why they sent me to the hospital as well as to monitor Rylans heartbeat and movement which they said was fantastic. (sigh of relief!)
As we left the hospital we all felt drained.... emotionally and physically! Ever since that exam I have had more contractions everyday then ever before! As of Monday I was 1/2cm dialated and 50% effaced. We will find out Monday the 8th if it has changed (I think it has!) as another exam will be done at every visit and YES I'm terrified and hope that God gives me a doctor that is GENTLE and actually KNOWS what they are doing!!! I can't take another terrifying Monday...we will see what tomorrow has in store...
As she yelled at me (yes yelled) to relax, my body just wouldn't let me because she was still doing the exam and being not gentle AT ALL! After the exam she mentioned my cervix was closed and continued to ask us if we had any questions. I was rather confused as she hadn't even gone over the results of our sonogram which we were told on Friday when I called to get them, that my placenta had moved closer to my cervix instead of away as they thought it would. When we mentioned the sonogram results and I mentioned about a C-section because that was what the nurse told me could be something they schedule the doctor made a face and shook her head "No, you're fine it's far enough away," she stated, then proceeded to get up and close my information on the computer. I looked at Kevin, both of us so confused at what she was saying I decided to speak up. "Well, if its fine for natural delivery then does that mean I am off pelvic rest"? She looked at me confused and said "No." I asked, now dazed with the conversation unfolding, "Well, when I called friday the nurse told me that it had gotten worse and moved closer to my cervix and the doctor we were going to see today would either schedule another sonogram or C-section." The doctor looked at me like I was crazy and another expression arose on her face, frustration.
She quickly turned back to the computer and pulled up my information. She looked at the sonogram results (for the first time) and said "No, its fine, you will not need a C-section; any other questions"? Confused is not the right word....maybe baffeled would work. Kevin and I looked at each other more baffeled then EVER before. I spoke up "Well, if it's gotten better like your saying, which is not what I was told when I called, why do I still have to be on pelvic rest"? I really never got an explanation for that question and even though in her mind my placenta had moved away (which is again the opposite I was told and was told by the last doctor if it had moved further away the pelvic rest would be lifted; which its still not, then why is this doctor saying it is better than the last sonogram...?????) I continued to ask basically the same questions due to my absolute confusion when she hastily cut in, "It will be fine, but I guess, just in case I'll schedule another sonogram for two weeks from now."
All I could think in that moment was ''what if I had never brought up what the other doctor and nurse had said, what if I had just taken her word for it that things got better and just made the decision myself, because she didn't clarify, to no longer be on pelvic rest''??? As she left the room she quickly said "If you have any bleeding, your water breaks, or contractions every 3-5 mins, go to the hospital, ok have a good day.".....And she was gone....and we honestly felt as though we had just gone through the ringer.
We were so confused and upset by that appointment we didn't go out for lunch, we just were not hungry anymore, it was replaced with absolute confusion. We headed to my moms for a visit instead as that was our plan after we would've gotten lunch. My mom was just as confused as we were and encouraged me to call the doctors office and try to get a better explanation of my sonogram results. I was planning on doing that when two hours after my doctors appointment I used the bathroom, for about the third time since leaving the doctors, (I had not had anything out of the norm happen before this third bathroom trip) when I saw some brown spotting. I have NEVER had any spotting and yelled for my mom to come check what I saw and to see if I needed to call the doctors. She said I should as I am so close to my due date and since I had been sore from the exam she thought it best, I agreed. I called and the only answer I received was that there can be normal spotting after those exams (yeah, news to me! The doctor could have told me that) And that the only reason to be concerned would be if the spotting was bright blood and if that happened I was to call back. I hung up the phone and briefly told my mom and kevin what I was told and then decided I wanted to go the bathroom just one more time to make sure nothing more spotted. (I apologize now for the TMI)
As I looked at the toilet paper my hands started shaking and all I could do was scream for my mom. Tears started flowing as I starred at bright blood. Mom came running in and as soon as she saw she yelled for kevin to come and bring my phone. It was all such a blur yet everything was so slow at the same time. As I wiped again more blood came and I started sobbing. All I can remember saying is "Theres a lot mom, theres so much." My head hurt so badly as we rushed to get to the hospital and my thoughts pained me "What if Rylan isn't ok?" I hadn't felt him move since the spotting and bleeding started and all I could do was think, was I not ever going to meet my son..... However once getting to the hospital and getting hooked up to all the monitors the woosh woosh of Rylans heartbeat filled the room and though my nerves were shot, relief took over. BUT then....I suddenly started to think, "Oh my gosh, I can't do this if this is the day he is to arrive, I'm NOT ready!" (oh the emotional roller-coaster!)
We stayed at the hospital for almost two hours and our confusion of my doctors appointment was cleared up by the doctor that was there. She still mentioned I could deliver naturally but clarified that my placenta did move closer to the cervix so it was NOT further away as the previous doctor mentioned. She also stated that bleeding was also something that could happen after the exam that was done.... (blank stare, I know...)
In my case any bleeding could be a sign that my placenta covered my cervix and/or tore due to it's placement and the exam done, so I believe that is why they sent me to the hospital as well as to monitor Rylans heartbeat and movement which they said was fantastic. (sigh of relief!)
As we left the hospital we all felt drained.... emotionally and physically! Ever since that exam I have had more contractions everyday then ever before! As of Monday I was 1/2cm dialated and 50% effaced. We will find out Monday the 8th if it has changed (I think it has!) as another exam will be done at every visit and YES I'm terrified and hope that God gives me a doctor that is GENTLE and actually KNOWS what they are doing!!! I can't take another terrifying Monday...we will see what tomorrow has in store...
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Ready for Rylan
We have everything ready for Mr. Rylan Paul! We are so excited to meet him and can't wait to hold him!!!!
Birthdays everywhere!!!
With yesterdays bad news I forgot to wish my sissy Victoria to have a GREAT 13TH B-DAY!!!! Since I can't travel/go on roller coasters because I'm very much pregnant, I missed out on TDs surprise vaca to an amusement park and hotel stay for the weekend. Though I didn't get to see her on her special day I hope she is having a FANTASTIC WEEKEND!!!! I LOVE YOU TD!!!! HAPPY 13TH B-DAY!!!!!
Friday, July 29, 2011
As soon as your hopes are up....It rains....
I am tired. Very tired. I'm tired of thinking we are going to get good news and then being crushed when the suppose to be good news is the complete opposite. Dr. Brown pretty much guaranteed us that we would be fine for a natural delivery and finally be off pelvic rest. However, the sonogram results said otherwise. My placenta has moved closer to the cervical opening instead of away...
I have a doctors appointment on Monday and apparently they will either schedule another sonogram (I'm really getting tired of this, especially since we are going to have to start paying out of pocket for two of the sonograms because insurance is only covering a portion of them now...) or just schedule a C-Section.
I am now even more scared of possibly going into labor naturally with my placenta being even closer now. All I want to do today is stay home with my awesome supportive husband and relax but I can't. Work awaits...What a way to start the day...
Well, at least its Friday and next weekend is our One year Wedding Anniversary :-D So, that makes me happy. Also tomorrow we will be getting our maternity pictures done. Gotta try to stay positive or I'm going to fall apart....
I have a doctors appointment on Monday and apparently they will either schedule another sonogram (I'm really getting tired of this, especially since we are going to have to start paying out of pocket for two of the sonograms because insurance is only covering a portion of them now...) or just schedule a C-Section.
I am now even more scared of possibly going into labor naturally with my placenta being even closer now. All I want to do today is stay home with my awesome supportive husband and relax but I can't. Work awaits...What a way to start the day...
Well, at least its Friday and next weekend is our One year Wedding Anniversary :-D So, that makes me happy. Also tomorrow we will be getting our maternity pictures done. Gotta try to stay positive or I'm going to fall apart....
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Baby Appointment and Baby Shower fun
Lately I have been having contractions but they are irregular, but wow do some of them take my breathe away! It scares me to be honest and I catch myself thinking, a lot, can I do this? With the encouragement from my family, friends, and amazing hubby as a contraction subsides they are there encouraging me that it will all be ok and I CAN "do this".
We had the best doctors appointment EVER this past Monday! We saw Dr. Brown :-D We had never had her before and boy if I could request someone at all times, it would be her!!!! I am already praying that she is on call when I go into labor as I thoroughly trust her and feel oh so comfortable around her. She is so sweet and told us so much information about our situation, even drawing us a diagram of what my placenta and uterus looks like apposed to a normal one. What she told us is that she is almost certain my placenta will have moved enough out of the way for a natural birth. She explained that my placenta was on the verge of covering the cervical opening and now is at it's edge. She believes at the next sonogram (scheduled for next teusday) it will show enough movement, since it has been gradually moving, that I will get the go ahead to naturally deliver. The only thing they will have to monitor is bleeding. Even with it being moved since my placenta implanted too low in my uterus it could cause it to tear as I deliver, they dont mind a little bleeding, but if Rylan is in stress or too much bleeding occurs they will then do a C-section.
Right now my prayer is for a (not too much pain) quick labor like the ones my mom and grammy had! :-D I have days where I just can't wait to hold Rylan and then days where I have to remember what I have to go through to hold him and my fear creeps in, and I tell him it's ok to still stay in there! (lol). In those moments I close my eyes and ask God to comfort me and help me to be able to have the courage that I lack. I also pray that when I do go into labor I am already in chambersburg preferably NOT AT WORK, and hopefully at my gram and paps or mom and dads!
Dr. Brown went over all my information since getting pregnant. She did tell me she wished I had a higher gain, as for my entire pregnancy I am at a gain of 7 pounds, however she is not concerned since she knows that with my being sick I gain and then loose and that has been the go around as of now. Rylans heartbeat was 138-140 the highest its been in the past couple weeks. She explained if they are sleeping/or just woke up the heartbeat is lower between 110-120 however if its higher that means they are awake and moving. And Rylan was definitely doing that! He again kicked the monitor a couple times :-D We ended our day before Kevin had to go to work with a lunch date and since little Ry-Ry didn't have any shoes we picked up these awesome ones!
We had the best doctors appointment EVER this past Monday! We saw Dr. Brown :-D We had never had her before and boy if I could request someone at all times, it would be her!!!! I am already praying that she is on call when I go into labor as I thoroughly trust her and feel oh so comfortable around her. She is so sweet and told us so much information about our situation, even drawing us a diagram of what my placenta and uterus looks like apposed to a normal one. What she told us is that she is almost certain my placenta will have moved enough out of the way for a natural birth. She explained that my placenta was on the verge of covering the cervical opening and now is at it's edge. She believes at the next sonogram (scheduled for next teusday) it will show enough movement, since it has been gradually moving, that I will get the go ahead to naturally deliver. The only thing they will have to monitor is bleeding. Even with it being moved since my placenta implanted too low in my uterus it could cause it to tear as I deliver, they dont mind a little bleeding, but if Rylan is in stress or too much bleeding occurs they will then do a C-section.
Right now my prayer is for a (not too much pain) quick labor like the ones my mom and grammy had! :-D I have days where I just can't wait to hold Rylan and then days where I have to remember what I have to go through to hold him and my fear creeps in, and I tell him it's ok to still stay in there! (lol). In those moments I close my eyes and ask God to comfort me and help me to be able to have the courage that I lack. I also pray that when I do go into labor I am already in chambersburg preferably NOT AT WORK, and hopefully at my gram and paps or mom and dads!
Dr. Brown went over all my information since getting pregnant. She did tell me she wished I had a higher gain, as for my entire pregnancy I am at a gain of 7 pounds, however she is not concerned since she knows that with my being sick I gain and then loose and that has been the go around as of now. Rylans heartbeat was 138-140 the highest its been in the past couple weeks. She explained if they are sleeping/or just woke up the heartbeat is lower between 110-120 however if its higher that means they are awake and moving. And Rylan was definitely doing that! He again kicked the monitor a couple times :-D We ended our day before Kevin had to go to work with a lunch date and since little Ry-Ry didn't have any shoes we picked up these awesome ones!
And now about our baby shower! We had such a great time! And got so many cute things!
I want to thank all of you who were able to make it to our baby shower! We greatly appreciate your love and support during this amazing time. Here are a couple snap shots of the day and a 33week picture of Rylan and I! Opening one of our many gifts! YAH for diapers and wipes :-D
Games we played!
:-D The coolest dad around!
33 weeks!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Busy, is my middle name!
WOW.
That's all I have to say after such a long time away from posting. I have been going non-stop and my tank is (almost) on empty. My body is feeling the pain of the work week while my mind is dealing with all the weeks that are flying by! I am two days shy of entering my 32nd week of pregnancy, 8 months along!!! I KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! A friend of mine just had her daughter at 35 weeks and boy does that freak me out! I have always thought Rylan was going to show up early and if he's as early as my friends little princess WOW..... is all I have to say :-D I can't wait to meet our son, however the fears of labor and delivery are creeping up on me, and the braxton hicks contractions I've been experiencing off and on for the past two weeks sure are not helping my nerves!
All my doctors visits are scheduled from now until my due date!! And even two weeks after, if Rylan is being stubborn; however the secretary reassured me he will not be late :-D (I'm not sure if she knows that I will be the pregnant lady sitting in the waiting room on September 6th with a scowl and I heavy purse, ready to smack someone upside the head with) I do not think she realizes I will be holding her to her statement, possibly literally! :-)
Before I get into the NEWS of our last baby appointment and sonogram here are some pictures of the nursery! All painted and (almost) ready to go for Mr. Rylan Paul. We still have some decorating to add but as of now we are really, really pleased with the outcome of the paint color and we LOVE our awesome crib that will later change into a toddler bed, day bed, and then full size bed!
Sooo, the news I'm sure you have all been waiting for (jk). We were told my placenta did move away but only slightly as before. SOOOO ANOTHER sonogram was scheduled for 7/26. At the time of my appointment I was seeing the doctor that I'm not very fond of and who when you ask a question treats you as if you are an infant talking. But I tried my best to ask that burning question. "So what happens if it doesn't change at all or enough next sonogram, do we then schedule a C-section"? Now remember I will be 34 weeks along at this point and they probably wont give us our results until the following week which will put me at 35 weeks. Here was the doctors response: "It will definitely change, but I guess if it doesn't change enough like we would like to see we will schedule another sonogram for a couple weeks after (I assume two weeks putting me at 37 weeks) and then if there still isn't much change we will just let you labor naturally and watch for bleeding because that's what we are trying to avoid (she then smiles) and if you do start to bleed or it looks like your going to start we would then do an emergency C-section."
(As I sat there in the white walled doctors office a blank feeling across the board filled my mind, are you feeling it too? Yeah...it was not the "this should make you feel better" explanation I was looking for)
SO, yes that is the most recent news and the not so good outcome AND/OR doctors report on my labor and delivery. I am REALLY not wanting to deal with having to START to bleed and then be rushed for a
C-section. I think it is ridiculous and unsafe and I will try my best if nothing changes in the next couple weeks to really push for scheduling a C-section. Luckily I will not be seeing that doctor for the rest of my pregnancy!!! *THANK YOU JESUS* So I would like to believe the other doctors I will be seeing will have a better response to my situation then to let me get to were its dangerous for my safety to then proceed with a C-section.
Kevin and I are worn out with the go around of what to expect. I have to say my anxiety is starting to get the best of me and I am really getting concerned with the fact that I could go into labor at any minute and with my placenta still to close to my cervix trying to go naturally scares me (A LOT). Lately I have been really worried I am going to go into labor at work! We know God has it all in His plan and is holding us all in His hands, and that is our peace as of now.
In my humanity, my fears of the unknown are the hardest thing to let go of and let God provide. Through this entire pregnancy that is what we have learned the most. We are trusting God has everything under control and Rylan and I will be safe and everything will go as HIS plan, when the time is right...
That's all I have to say after such a long time away from posting. I have been going non-stop and my tank is (almost) on empty. My body is feeling the pain of the work week while my mind is dealing with all the weeks that are flying by! I am two days shy of entering my 32nd week of pregnancy, 8 months along!!! I KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! A friend of mine just had her daughter at 35 weeks and boy does that freak me out! I have always thought Rylan was going to show up early and if he's as early as my friends little princess WOW..... is all I have to say :-D I can't wait to meet our son, however the fears of labor and delivery are creeping up on me, and the braxton hicks contractions I've been experiencing off and on for the past two weeks sure are not helping my nerves!
All my doctors visits are scheduled from now until my due date!! And even two weeks after, if Rylan is being stubborn; however the secretary reassured me he will not be late :-D (I'm not sure if she knows that I will be the pregnant lady sitting in the waiting room on September 6th with a scowl and I heavy purse, ready to smack someone upside the head with) I do not think she realizes I will be holding her to her statement, possibly literally! :-)
Before I get into the NEWS of our last baby appointment and sonogram here are some pictures of the nursery! All painted and (almost) ready to go for Mr. Rylan Paul. We still have some decorating to add but as of now we are really, really pleased with the outcome of the paint color and we LOVE our awesome crib that will later change into a toddler bed, day bed, and then full size bed!
Sooo, the news I'm sure you have all been waiting for (jk). We were told my placenta did move away but only slightly as before. SOOOO ANOTHER sonogram was scheduled for 7/26. At the time of my appointment I was seeing the doctor that I'm not very fond of and who when you ask a question treats you as if you are an infant talking. But I tried my best to ask that burning question. "So what happens if it doesn't change at all or enough next sonogram, do we then schedule a C-section"? Now remember I will be 34 weeks along at this point and they probably wont give us our results until the following week which will put me at 35 weeks. Here was the doctors response: "It will definitely change, but I guess if it doesn't change enough like we would like to see we will schedule another sonogram for a couple weeks after (I assume two weeks putting me at 37 weeks) and then if there still isn't much change we will just let you labor naturally and watch for bleeding because that's what we are trying to avoid (she then smiles) and if you do start to bleed or it looks like your going to start we would then do an emergency C-section."
(As I sat there in the white walled doctors office a blank feeling across the board filled my mind, are you feeling it too? Yeah...it was not the "this should make you feel better" explanation I was looking for)
SO, yes that is the most recent news and the not so good outcome AND/OR doctors report on my labor and delivery. I am REALLY not wanting to deal with having to START to bleed and then be rushed for a
C-section. I think it is ridiculous and unsafe and I will try my best if nothing changes in the next couple weeks to really push for scheduling a C-section. Luckily I will not be seeing that doctor for the rest of my pregnancy!!! *THANK YOU JESUS* So I would like to believe the other doctors I will be seeing will have a better response to my situation then to let me get to were its dangerous for my safety to then proceed with a C-section.
Kevin and I are worn out with the go around of what to expect. I have to say my anxiety is starting to get the best of me and I am really getting concerned with the fact that I could go into labor at any minute and with my placenta still to close to my cervix trying to go naturally scares me (A LOT). Lately I have been really worried I am going to go into labor at work! We know God has it all in His plan and is holding us all in His hands, and that is our peace as of now.
In my humanity, my fears of the unknown are the hardest thing to let go of and let God provide. Through this entire pregnancy that is what we have learned the most. We are trusting God has everything under control and Rylan and I will be safe and everything will go as HIS plan, when the time is right...
*Your continued prayers are much needed and appreciated! Thank you so very much!*
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